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Why Now

As time has gone on I have morphed into who I am now; not the old 'me' and not the one who takes over to carry me when I enter the depths of despair, over and over again, year in year out. I am almost in a cycle of recovery, each time I emerge stronger and more able but that makes the falling so much more unbearable. Throughout the first year following Harrys death I kept a diary. It certainly didn't get the attention it deserved but now and again I felt the urge to expel my thoughts and feelings as well as set a reminder of what was happening at the time.

My plan as time went on and I became this new 'me' I told myself that one day I would write a book from this diary. One day I would show the world what it means when your child dies, when you become disabled because a part of you is no longer there. 

However, my time went into and quite rightly so, Harrys legacy, Harrys Rainbow and before I knew it, I was approaching 10 whole years without him. Never wanting to fail at my goals I decided that instead of writing the book, I would write a blog. A catalogue of the 10th year following Harrys death which plans to also give insight into the first year and probably a lot more too!

So here I am and here it is.

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My Story

image I’m Harrys mummy. Harry died when he was 5 years old very unexpectedly. It was 10 years ago in March 2019. Is that relevant? I’m not sure! Every year following his death is the same. The numbness that has set in starts to lift and I feel it again.

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image As time has gone on I have morphed into who I am now; not the old ‘me’ and not the one who takes over to carry me when I enter the depths of despair, over and over again, year in year out.

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image Following Harry’s death I quickly discovered the lack of bereavement support that existed in our area. Being a proactive person I sought help very early on, wanting to adopt any way possible to ensure Harry’s twin sister Jessica was supported .

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image There is a range of support you can access to help with your loss. We’re all individual and unique so it’s not a case of one glove fits all.

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